Friday, August 10th, 2012

So this past monday was our 4 months-to-go point and we are seriously wondering if this day will ever come, based on the glacial pace it has seemingly chosen thus far!  Everything is ready to go, from the venues to the photographer and now we get to worry over the tiny little details.  Something that has been frustrating to me, however, is that so many people are not getting our save-the-dates in the mail! I have heard from at least half of the people we sent them to that they did not receive it, which really makes me wonder.  We had a few return to us but after checking with those people, there wasn't anything even wrong with the addresses.  I don't know how to solve this problem, so we very well might end up hand-delivering invites when that time comes.  I guess that would be a lot cheaper too.. hmm...

This past weekend we picked out our wedding bands, which was exciting for me.  I was totally fine getting a plain silver band but James and the jeweler-lady strongly encouraged me to get one that matches my ring....so I guess there'll be even more sparkling going on in the future, goodness!  This weekend was a lot of fun because not only did we get our bands picked out but we took advantage of being in LA by eating (more like gorging ourselves) at Philipe's and consuming four french dip sandwiches, but OH they are so good!  Then we stopped by Harmony Estes' homecoming party where we got to see a lot of friends and family (practically) before heading over to Nick Roberts' going away party where I got to meet a lot of James' other friends from when he was younger.  We were so exhausted afterwards I think we were both passed out in the middle of our movie by around 8pm.

We had a somewhat ho-hum Easter this year, what with schedules being mismatched and my being inundated with much schoolwork.  After church and lunch with Deb & Travis we read/homeworked/napped/sunbathed until dinner time at his Uncle's house, and then returned to do more of the same before calling it a night.  We definitely spent time in the Word, and my prayer is that people wouldn't get so caught up in solely the fact that Christ rose from the dead, but that they might see the fulfillment of God's word in that act, and that it might cause them to look at the life of Christ through God's Word, and see how many more wonderful things he also fulfilled.

"For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the twelve."
                                                                                               -- 1 Corinthians 15:3-5

Happy Thursday..... almost the weekend!!!

Jai Ho

A year ago it seemed that life had dealt me a bad hand and I was living the summer of hell.  And the temperature outside had nothing to do with that reference.  My parents were pursuing divorce and selling the house I grew up in, my dad was threatening to move to Arizona but was stopped short by a brush with death that landed him in the ICU (multiple times), I hated my job and I was struggling to become financially independent for the first time, my love life had been in a downward spiral to say the least, my own mental health was seriously called into question, I was having major issues with the people I called my "best friends," and I spent my 20th birthday sobbing on my bed, followed by my first car crash the next day.

Not exactly ideal.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.  We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

But now that I am at a place where I can look back on it, I realize how much growth has occurred for me in this last year.  I won't get all mushy and sentimental (I know that's the part of a blog where I check out and just start skimming) but seriously, what a year!  Some people ask me, "if God is good, why is there evil in the world?"  There are about a handful of different ways that I typically approach this answer, but one of them is this: if everything was always good, we would not appreciate goodness.  The presence of evil and hardships gives us an appreciation for good things beyond what we would otherwise be capable of feeling.   I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am so joyful and at peace with my life right now exactly the way that it is, but I know I owe a large part of that to last year and the dichotomy that now exists in my mind.  I am immensely BLESSED--I truly believe this at my core, it's not just Christian lip service.  I am not rich, I'm not graduated, I'm not married, and I'm not famous.  I don't wear the fanciest clothes or eat at 5-star restaurants every night, in fact, I'm so far from all of these things that it's kind of ironic--but I feel  like none of this could bring me the happiness I have now.

Life is still hard and I face challenges all the time, every day.  But it's different this time.  Being born independent and driven has given me an attitude of "I can do anything, and I can do it all by myself" and that attitude came to an abrupt halt when my life started to crumble.  I'm not perfected, and I definitely still take on more than I should, but being in recognition of the necessity of Christ, my redeemer, has shifted my perspective and removed a lot of the burden that I carried.  Casting my cares on Him and striving for only the things that He calls me to has really given my life new value.  I think we are all capable of being pulled from this vision and dragged down other paths, but that's when we do a heart check and refocus... Who am I trying to please here?  What am I trying to gain?  Why am I doing the things that I am doing?  Will this benefit me eternally?
And, "am I throwing God under the bus right now?"  <

So I suppose the long story short is that God is good and all true joy comes from Him.  I am seeing glimpses of that now.  I am extremely more secure in who I am now than I was last year at this time.  My parents are reconciled and happy (and still in San Diego!), I have a solidified and tangible idea of where I am headed with my schooling, I have a flexible job that provides exactly what I need financially, I am serving in the best Jr. High ministry I have ever witnessed, and to top it off God delivered me the solid friends I asked for, and I am dating an amazing man of God.  My happiness isn't in these things alone, but LOOK at the faithfulness here! PTL.

Jai Ho is actually the Hindi word for "Victory."  I found that out after hearing it in the song from Slumdog Millionaire, and thought about what it would be like to live a life that could be summed up in that one word.  Not in a competitive way, but in a way that implied contentedness in everything...little victories, personal victories.  Sadly enough I fantasized about the day when I could put that as my Facebook status, or at least make some awesome reference to it, and mean it.  Yeah, I'm only 20 years old, and I have a lot of life left to live, but I feel like right now I'm living pretty victoriously.

"Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

 --1 Corinthians 15:57-58

Sexual Healing

To look back, and think that, this Baby would one day save me

And with this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey; if only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life because...

Here's where You're finding me in the exact same place as New Year's Eve and from a lack of my persistency we're less than half as close as I wanna be

The first time that You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior?  And the first breath that left Your lips, did You know that it would change this world forever?

I celebrate the day that you were born to die, so I could one day pray for you to save my life.