My Gay Best Friend

Yesterday was a special day because it was the birthday of a dear, dear friend, my GBF, Tommy!  Anyone who is close to me knows how I feel about him and how he can never be replaced; one of those friends that just sticks around after everyone else has moved on with life.  He is truly a best friend; someone who sees me for who I am and has never judged me for the decisions I've made, the way I live, how I look, or anything else for that matter.  In high school I was an increedddibly awkward (and ugly) teenager and it's no wonder to me now why I had only the friends that I did, because looking back I can see how strange I (we) were. Tommy was someone who was actually pretty popular (and mysteriously had friends in all places) but of all groups to align with, he chose to be our friend.  He was my first guy friend and I soon found that it was much easier to talk with him than anyone else because he saw things from a different brain and he was able to give me fresh advice.  We became fast friends the summer after our freshman year and together with Kirstie and DeAnne we were thick as thieves.  What else is there to do but hang out when no one has a license or a job?

Teaching me how to play tennis when we were but babies.

I remember the funny times, riding on my electric motor scooter to meet them at the Starbucks by Tommy's house, just so that we could stalk my barista-crush and spend hundreds of baby-sitting dollars doing so study spanish.  We would take hundreds of dumb photos and home videos and upload them to MySpace because we were so cool (I confess, still have most of them).  Tommy introduced us to Boba and Asian fast-food, he supplied us with all the crude humor we never learned anywhere else, and kept it real when it came to critiquing our fashion choices and wardrobes.  I guess at the time we were having too much fun to notice it was strange for a fashion-savvy asian guy to travel with a pack of mid-pubescent white girls. Oh well.

Tommy was always there for me, even when it meant sitting around just being bored together.  He was the first guy I ever held hands with, my first slow dance, the one I confessed all of my secrets to when I started dating, and he was the one who let me cry and whine when I was in the depths of my worst heartbreak.  We made a promise that we would get married to each other for the sake of tax-benefits if neither of us were married by 40.  I guess that won't be happening, not that he minds.

Senior Prom.

It was the week of our high school graduation when I got his phone call, out of breath and uncharacteristically anxious, asking me to meet him at Hilltop Park by our house.  I dropped everything and met him in minutes, only to have him lead me away to a secluded bench and shake in front of me for a few more minutes.  I asked him what was going on and that's when it happened, he came out and told me he was gay.  I can't say it surprised me; my parents and friends' parents had been saying it for years, but I wasn't going to join in until he confirmed it for me.  He told me about his struggles during our four years of high school together, and what he had gone through even since he felt that way in childhood.  I was a little confused because he dated some of my [girl] friends in high school, but he explained to me why he did that.  I guess you could say things were never the same after that conversation.

But then they got back to normal, and we all adjusted to who he was and how he was going to live.  Who was I to judge this person who had been nothing but supportive and loving of me since the day we met?  When he told us about his first boyfriend I think we were a little protective and nervous at first, but now I can see it's really just all the same, relationships and all.

I know how I was raised, in my conservative-Christian home, and I know what I believe in my heart, but nothing in the world could make me feel any differently about Tommy.  It's been such a wild ride, learning everything there is to learn about his lifestyle, which is the lifestyle of many people I have come to know up here in LA.  It really crushes me when I see close friends (yes, usually of my Christian community) acting the way they do and saying the things they say about homosexuals.  Regardless of how you feel about the lifestyle, it's no reason to treat the person differently or to act all fidgety around them as if they have the plague.  I think it has been one of the most educational experiences in my life to have this friendship and to learn the reality of what it's like for people like Tommy to navigate life.

Today little has changed, Tommy is still there for me every step of the way, and 100 miles from San Diego to Long Beach makes no difference at all.  When we are together it's as if no time has passed.  I was extremely bummed that he couldn't make it to my wedding (to be my best man, of course) because was backpacking through Asia(!), but we still have the rest of our lives to continue making memories.

Happy.

Tommy, I love you so so so much and nothing will ever change that.  You have been a truer friend to me than anyone I've ever met, you are undoubtedly the best at keeping in touch (out of all of us), and your optimistic outlook on life is truly contagious.  I love every outing we have together and I know that coming home means coffee and talks with you, because you are always there.

SALE: Friends! Buy one, get one free!

SOCIAL NETWORKING IS CHEAPENING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS

Let me say that again: SOCIAL NETWORKING IS CHEAPENING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS!

Friends, please, wake up and see this glaring reality!  What is happening to us?  I will tell you: we are slowly becoming an unbalanced society; everyone wants to be wanted, but no one is pursuing the want-ables!

Facebook is cheapening your friendships.  I can attest to a few things:

Prior to deleting my Facebook:
 1) I found out all major news/events in my peers' lives via Facebook, or word-of-mouth from someone else that saw this news on Facebook.
 2) When I wrote someone an email or a message I felt that I had met my quota for the week/month/year and that I no longer needed to be with this friend in person in order to catch up on our lives.
 3) I posted things on Facebook with the expectation that everyone would see them, so I no longer cared to inform my friends when important events took place in my life.
 4) Facebook gave me a general sense of community; I felt like I was with 150 friends every day and that I had all of the information about them that I needed.

These are such false senses of security!  We have stopped pursuing our closest friends because we have substituted the Internet in their place.  We find ways to jam pack each day and we do not factor in time to socialize and build relationships because we take them for granted and assume the Internet can fill that void.  This is so wrong!

Social networking sites have their advantages, and they do serve a good purpose.  But at what cost?  It is great that you can keep your extended family and long-distance friends updated instantly, but what about the people that you call your "close friends?"  How often do we really set aside time to with JUST one person at a time to find out where they are at?

I think I have four real friends.

I feel like my "friends" no longer think it is necessary to communicate with me.  Deleting my Facebook has shown me who my friends are.  Or rather, it's shown me where peoples' priorities lie.  It is very easy to find me, when you need something that I can give you.  Yeah, we have busy schedules. Yeah, you aren't my boyfriend and you aren't my best friend.  But at one time you poured out your heart and you told me I was an important part of your life.  So why don't you act like it?  Maybe this is my love language, maybe it's just how I was raised; if you care about me you will pursue me and keep in TOUCH.

I don't think that I am any kind of exception to this.  We all want to be wanted.  I love it when people seek ME out as opposed to me always having to tex or call them.  We all want to know that someone is thinking about us often.  Here I differ and I say that I don't want to just be a name that you think about as you scroll by me in the news feed.  I want to be pursued, I want to be loved.  Please stop throwing this word around, please start cherishing your friends.