I haven't even worn makeup for the last 5 weeks!

Viewer discretion advised?

I think most everyone knows by now that a month ago I had hip surgery to reshape the inside of my right hip socket due to hip impingement.  It's a big word that means my femur bone had a sharp spur that was cutting up the labrum (soft tissue) inside my socket, causing much pain and grinding, and it would only get worse with age.  So with only two weeks notice I decided to nip it in the bud and just take care of it while I was able to.

Before surgery, all smiles!

Except for IV's. I hate IV's.

The procedure; they go in two separate places in order to get into my socket with a scalpel and a camera.

The damage; said holes and my beautiful new scars I'm rocking for the rest of my life...

Sewing up the labrum inside of my socket

 

And to finish, they shaved down the head of my femur bone.

The surgery went well with only a few complications and 14 hours later I was headed home to San Diego for rehabilitation at home with my mom and dad.  It was the nicest week and a half that I've had in a while, as I was able to catch up on many missed family dinners and conversations, and to be completely honest it was nice to just be a lazy bum for a while; I found this new contraption called Netflix, ever heard of it?

My hunny would come down and visit me in San Diego every once in a while...

Five days after my surgery I had the misfortune of experiencing dyspnea which meant that I stopped breathing, along with turning blue and numb, my mom called 911, and I got to feel what it's like to hear ambulance sirens and know they are coming to save your life.  It was a very strange feeling, not being able to pull any air into my lungs, but all I could think is, "this can't be how I go."  And it wasn't; the paramedics were there in minutes and after another trip to the hospital, a few cat scans and blood tests later (and negative), I was able to go home and bum around some more.

I also hate narcotic painkillers. They make me scratch my face to death.

The following Saturday I returned to Long Beach and since then have become a professional couch potato.  On doctors orders I have to elevate my leg for 18-20 hours a day (basically the whole day) with my trusty ice pack and lots of snacks. I  shamefully admit I have become a Netflix addict and have breezed through 2 or 3 shows.  Confession: I'm totally addicted to Pretty Little Liars and I can't wait for its return in June!  Oh, how will I survive without cable?!

#teamspoby

Today I got to go to my first physical therapy appointment (better late than never, eh?) and I will just say it was no walk in the park.  I was somewhat scolded for transitioning from crutches to cane a little too hastily, and was also reminded of the fact that I had no simple surgery, but that my condition is very serious and I need to "respect" my hip more than I am.  I got stretched out in every direction and tonight I am S-O-R-E.   But I think just like anything, in order to overcome I need to go through a little bit of pain, so that I can eventually be strengthened and pain-free.

Day 7, my first date getting up and around. Little victories.

In my last five years of schooling at CSULB I have driven past this sign nearly every day, so how ironic that I am now patronizing their business.

I would be lying if I said I'm living it up, enjoying being pampered and taken care of while laying in bed all day with nothing to do.  I'm actually going stir crazy.  Most of my days I wake up and read, or someone comes to visit, or someone is kind enough to take me out on the town, crutches, ice pack and all.  James and I even ventured out to IKEA and have now been assembling a few new pieces of furniture. It's kind of cool to receive "special" handicap treatment, getting close parking and getting to ride all of those motor carts at the stores. ;)

I never thought I'd see the day where I would want to be at work more than I want to be at home in bed ...oh wait I still don't see it that way, :P But believe me, I am ready to get back to my routines.  I miss my leg.  I miss being able to sleep on my side or my stomach, I miss being able to drive and to hurry up and down the apartment stairs.  I miss being able to take long showers without the need for a shower chair, and as much as I look cool with my cane, I really miss being able to walk around all day without wincing and having my knee swell up.  

My view, all day, every day.

It hasn't all been in vain, however.  I am feeling relief from the grinding pain I was having before surgery, which is actually quite pleasant.  I'm also enjoying this as time to reflect and do some deep thinking and meditation (I'm not burning incense or anything, but implementing Psalm 1:1-3).  I really appreciate the friends and family that have stopped by to bring a meal, or spend an hour or two entertaining me and making me laugh.  I have even enjoyed the more holistic and simplified lifestyle I seem to have stumbled into this past month.  I feel like a hippy, not wearing makeup, or a bra, or doing anything with my hair more than throwing it in a loose ponytail.  I only eat what I can scrounge up from around the fridge and pantry (I can't even check our mailbox, let alone drive to the store) so I've actually found we had a nice collection of veggies stashed away in our crisper.  And I haven't had Starbucks in so long! I've resorted to all kinds of teas, but mainly a consistent intake of beautiful h20.  

 

Our super low-key Newlywed Easter.

So it's been quite the journey, and it's not over yet, but I'm excited to continue with therapy and to grow stronger every day.  I really hate this asymmetrical leg muscle thing I have going on, so if for no reason other than the fact that it's almost sHoRtS season, I will be sure my leg gets back on track ;)

Oh and I can't forget my number 1 fan, who was kind enough to sit on my hip the day after my surgery, just to remind me how much she loves me...

#vinepost

Thoughts on joining the Green Empire, & how God is Awesome

I know this is one of my longer posts, but in order to avoid telling this story countless more times than I have energy for, I have decided to just write it all down here, for everyone to read. 

Back in July, my boyfriend James told me to quit my job at Jamba.  I didn't listen to him.
He asked me again in October, but I said it would be okay and I stayed.
By December he was practically begging me to give my two-weeks notice, but apparently I am one of the most stubborn girlfriends around, or maybe I just don't know how to help myself.


I guess having a stressed out, worn down, anxiety-ridden girlfriend who constantly needs cheering up isn't that fun.  Who would've known?

Truth is, I had been feeling pulled in that direction (to leave my job) since July as well, but had been extremely reluctant to trust God in this area of my life.  This job, since being promoted to manager, had been my first "big girl" job, and had allowed me to become financially stable and independent.  I was in no way prepared to give up that security.  So instead I sat around and complained to anyone and everyone that would listen or sympathize.

This May would mark three years with Jamba Juice, and while I am thankful for the opportunities and experiences that have grown me and helped me gain perspective, it has been painful and arduous for the past year and I feel as if I have been run into the ground.  My Christmas Eve shift was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Whether it was overbooking my already-busy schedule, becoming burned out on Jamba's overzealous new platforms, or just any of the numerous disagreements I've had with my boss (along with feelings of being extremely under-appreciated/devalued), I have been SO ready to get out of there for quite some time now.

Maybe I should have listened to James and given my notice back in the summer, but truth is, I was scared.  I'm still scared, but realizing that I don't need to be.  I was scared to quit without something else lined up, I  was scared to put my foot down when I noticed shady deviations from Jamba protocol, and I was scared to stand up for myself and for what was right.  I realize I might be fighting a life-long battle against people pleasing, but as far as Jamba is concerned, I'm finally OUT!
I put in my two-weeks notice on January 1st; how's that for a New Year's Resolution?!  It was honestly one of the biggest feelings of relief I have ever felt.

Before taking the leap I prayed day and night, up and down, that I wasn't making a mistake.  One of our pastors, Tim Springer, gave a very convicting sermon about Jeremiah 29 (on THE SAME MORNING that I submitted my notice), teaching on being content with knowing that God's will sometimes involves suffering and doing things that we don't want to do.  He gave the example of being stuck working graveyard shifts at a job that he didn't like, for much longer than he ever expected, but realizing it was God's plan for him to stay there.  I was unsure and confused about what God wanted of me and I was a wreck.  But I kept praying.

I remember driving to work on my first shift after submitting my notice; I was crying all alone in my car, thinking, "what the heck have I done?" I prayed something along the lines of, "God, I'm scared.  I'm so so scared that I've made a mistake, or that I am going to be unemployed forever--or at least for a long, long time--and that I won't be able to get married or move out or even feed myself for much longer. Please guide me; if this is your will, please validate this decision.  I'm so scared."

I kept my composure as many coworkers, family members, and friends asked me what I possibly had in store that was better for me than a managerial position, and admittedly I lied a few times.  I said I had small jobs that could probably get me by for a few months, and I continued to push the fact that I am almost graduated and that I am just going to truly focus on school.  (That is not a lie by any means, but it definitely wasn't my hope.)  But on the inside I was freaking out, and all I could do was keep praying...

In what can only be described as something purely divine, my prayers were heard and answered in a way I could have never arranged on my own.  Before I even had a day off to begin my job hunt, I was offered a job at Starbucks (and if you know me well enough, you will know I have dreamt of this job for years and have been applying ever since I was of age to work there--I LOVE STARBUCKS).  The Starbucks manager walked into Jamba and offered me a job, on the spot--something she says she has never done in her life.

The praying continued and the nervousness increased.  I guess you're thinking I'm crazy... someone offers you a new job after you just quit your old job, you should be ecstatic, right?  Well I wasn't.  I was excited to have a front to hide behind, but I was extremely nervous that this would take me out of the frying pan and into the fryer, or something like that.  James and I began to pray that things with Starbucks would only continue to develop if it was truly what God had planned for me, and that if nothing transpired it would be because there were other things in the works that I needed to be patient and wait for.

Today has been filled with an enormous amount of prayer and support from friends and family, for which I cannot even begin to express my thankfulness.

I interviewed at Starbucks in Belmont Shore at 1:00pm and by 5:00pm the manager was calling to offer me the job, which I happily accepted.  (The praying didn't stop there, and it will surely be continuing as I enter this new chapter of life.)  As I worked my second-to-last closing shift tonight, I couldn't help but float around with a fat grin on my face knowing that all my worrying and fear was in vain, just like Philippians 4:6 says it will be.

My first day at Starbucks will be on February 6th, giving me three solid weeks to recuperate and heal this sprained ankle/tendon that I have been nursing since Christmas.  The manager seems great, and the thing that I [already] love most about her is that she truly cares about the well-being of her employees and wants them to be happy and able to give 100% (hence the time off to recuperate and transition); no working when you are sick!  The benefits are extremely appealing, and the coffee-shop atmosphere makes my heart want to discount-double-check.  (Did I just make a football reference?)  Oh what a nice, refreshing change this will be.. :]

I don't know if Starbucks will be the fulfillment of Bucket List #17 (Work at a Job I Love), or if it will be just another marker on the journey I call Life, but I am looking forward to it.  Immensely.  Partially because it allows me to escape Jamba, but also because of all the novelty it contains, and for the learning experiences I'm sure will come.  Please join me in praying for this transition, or just check back here for updates.  :]

To close, God is good (so good), all the time.  Don't be like me; trust in Him the first time and save yourself a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.

PS- If you have never shared a Starbucks experience with me, something is wrong with our relationship.

Me and Starbs, we go way back.

Tommy and I (last week), observing the transition back into white cups.

My hoard of Red Cups, perhaps unhealthy/unsanitary.

My excitement over the return of Red Cups this year.

Making new friends via Starbucks Coffee Dates.  I'm notorious for these.

Starbucks as midterm-season pick-me-up, and secret weapon of doting boyfriend.

Starbucks On-the-Go: a must for any extended car ride!

Exploring Starbucks in other cities--always exciting.  Above, Melissa and Me taking shelter from the cold San Fran winds.

Starbucks to get you going in the morning at work -- Deb and I welcoming the new face of Starbucks (e.g. Garamond Font and new Green Sleeves).

Starbucks in the Summer.

And last but not least, falling in love with a Starbucks Barista when you are 15-and-a-half years old, beginning an unhealthy and expensive addiction to coffee drinks and coffee shops, only to drain all of the babysitting money I ever saved, and end up with no love to show for it!

I bet Jesus would've drank Starbucks.

Oh, to be at ease

4 Things I Do Every Thursday

1. Pray
2. School
3. Eat a LOT
4. College Group

Yup.

"I sometimes do what I want to do, but most of the time I do what I need to do." --JIM POST

As I get older, but more particularly on this balmy September Thursday, I am grieved by the fact that I really don't have enough time anymore to do the things I want to do.  Growing up and balancing work and school is a task in itself.  I miss playing organized sports, I miss having tv shows to discuss with people, and I miss my family.

Cheers*to futures...

I'm posting my homework as a blog

Reaction Paper #1: We Are Cognitive Misers

            A class discussion idea that particularly struck me as intriguing was the idea that we are “Cognitive Misers.”  I didn’t know what the word miser meant, let alone how it was being used in conjunction with the way that we think, so this concept was wholly unfamiliar.  Being a Cognitive Miser entails thinking “frugally” in order to conserve mental energy and we do this by way of shortcuts that we have grown to accept as our first-resort method of critical thinking.  We use heuristics and schemas to quickly decide how we should handle information coming in, but by consequence these short cuts are not always fully accurate and there is much room for error.  My initial question was, if we aren’t using these trained ways of thought what are we using?  But this just proves the point in itself; I was quickly jumping to the idea that there was only one way of thinking.  The alternative to using heuristics would be to deliberately think, harder than we need to when we use our normal shortcuts. 

            Sometimes when I am faced with a large To Do list, or when I have multiple things on my plate that need processing, I will either avoid doing them all together and will ultimately accomplish very little, or I will have to sit down and make lists and think of the ways to be most productive and effective.  In this case I have to put myself in very specific environments that are conducive to deeper thinking and I have to be entirely dedicated to the end result.  Most often I find myself doing this when I pray.  While I usually shuffle through my day merely chasing stray thoughts here and there to wherever they might lead me, praying involves thinking through my life’s largest issues and struggles in an intentional way that allows me to see hidden facets that I had not thought of before.  I’ve been noticing, as I get older, how much more difficult it is for me to stay disciplined enough to do this every day, let alone multiple times a day.  Through our study of Cognitive Misers I can now see why this is not a natural tendency—because it requires incredibly large amounts of deliberate thought.  I do, however, delight in the fact that the hard work pays off and with the help of some divine intervention, multiple good decisions have been born from dedication to this process. 

New Year's Thoughts

2010 took me by storm.  I think somewhere inside of me something made the bold dare,  "let's see if we can pack more change into one year than we have in the last 19," and it happened.  I ran in a marathon, cut all my hair off, led worship at church, moved out on my own, got in a car crash, and revamped my previous life-plans, to name a few.  Here's to hoping that 2011 produces just as much growth, but in a more gentle manner, with fewer tears and tantrums.

Here it is, my list for 2011.

New Year's Resolutions:

• No texting and driving at all.
• No buying new books until the "old books" are read
• Be undivided
• Get rid of personal hurts (Evaluate the relationships that I am in.  Determine whether they are worth pursuing, act on this determination.)

New Year's Goals:

• Develop fruits of the Spirit. (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control)
• Run in another marathon
• Reclaim my GPA
• Moisturize
• Discover a new hobby and do it
• When I have a thirst for knowledge about a subject, quench it, do not let it slip away
• Revitalize my prayer life
• Work smarter, not harder

Things I'm Praying for in the New Year:

• A new job; independence from my parents
• to be filing for graduation in December
• to reach my seventh graders on a new level
• Improved health (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual)
• Plans for my future, post-graduation
• Healthy, loving friendships to develop

Prayer

Please don't think of my next paragraph as something heretical or blasphemous; it is merely the product of a day of introspection on what I pray for and why.  Sometimes I feel like prayer becomes a list of requests, which makes is seem daunting and tedious and I often avoid doing it.  So then I think, this can't be right.

What if prayer is little more than a meditation process that allows us time to organize our thoughts and feel like someone out there has heard our pleas?  If God already has a set plan for our lives, and already knows the course we are going to take and what prayers we are going to pray, what does prayer actually do?  Does God “change his mind,” so to speak?  I've heard people say this, but I feel like it's something we have invented as a solution to something we don't understand.  I feel good after I pray; I have a good feeling of calmness inside of me, but is that the Holy Spirit working in me or is that my brain thanking me (and thus calming me down) for giving it time to process thoughts on my life?  Does prayer work like a democracy…in terms of, if enough people pray for the same thing to happen, does God decide to grant it?  If not, if it doesn’t matter how many people pray for something, why pray collectively at all?  If God is omniscient and knows what we are thinking at all times, why must there be formalized communication in the form of prayer?  I understand prayers of thanks and acknowledgment, but praying in the manner of a request just seems futile sometimes.  I pray, but I find myself loading my prayers with disclaimers and contingencies.  “God, if it’s our will, please allow this situation to go as I want, but if I am not wanting the proper thing, please let me realize what You want for me, and let Your will be done.”  Why pray for what I want at all?  Am I praying wrong?  I know there are infinite passages of scripture on the power of prayer, but I suppose you could say this is just one of those concepts that I can't fully wrap my head around.